In reading my father’s book I was touched by both the “flowery” language used and descriptions of his life and his environment, as he grew from infancy into a young adult. Because of these descriptions and the manner of writing, I left this entire book unedited, and tried to use my imagination to fill in parts of his story and the twirling of his life’s “loop” as his journey takes him far and wide.
I believe that his mother loved him enough to make the long journey on foot to bring him back to his grandparents and the town in which he was born. She asked for their help to care for him, rather than to have him exposed to more abuse by his new father-in-law. The gesture on her part was generous, and yet, I wonder at the pain Gregory must have experienced when she promises him that she won’t leave him, and then she disappears without saying goodbye. Throughout Gregory’s life, it seems that the themes of abuse, rejection, lack of trust, and a sense of abandonment continue to plague him and his emotions. To leave her son with her in-laws must have been painful for Mary, and yet, it was a devastating blow to Gregory who was thrust back into a family he was too young to remember. Gregory’s love and care of animals may have begun when he is soothed and distracted from his grief when his grandfather gives him a little white rabbit to care for.
Life seems to continue in a relatively stable manner, and Grisha is blessed with love and kindness from his grandparents and aunt and uncle, who had lost their own children, and doted on him. Because of his independent nature, he was also somewhat over-protected.
Unfortunately, when his mother returns to reclaim him at age 5, he does not recognize her. This rejection of her and the gifts she brings for him, leaves her grief stricken. When he is “ordered” by his grandfather to take a walk with her, Mary tries to run off with him. When grandfather catches up with them, they have an angry dispute and Gregory is pushed and pulled, his clothes torn. They return to home where Gregory is made to make the choice as to whom he wants to live with. This must have been a confusing decision for a 5-year-old to make. He chooses to stay with his grandparents. Who knows what Gregory’s life would have been like had he gone with his mother, for as the story spins out, it is clear that he is brought up in a relatively well-to-do family and given much. Perhaps the work of the Parcae intervened here, who knows? In any case, Mary must respect his decision and before she leaves she places a gold cross around his neck.
As time goes on, I believe Grisha’s Aunt Anna becomes like surrogate mother to him. She is the only one I ever heard him speak of. His Uncle Basil is a teacher of “men and boys” and it is clear that education is important in this family and Gregory seems to soak up learning. His uncle seems to take on the responsibility of guiding Grisha into knowledge and manhood. Throughout my father’s life, he always had a love of reading.
The experiences Gregory has at young age of witnessing violence, beatings, and killings definitely make an impact on his life, and it is at this time that his nightmares begin. It is hard for me to conceive of any child, of an adolescent age, witnessing others being bludgeoned to death, and brains being scattered at one’s feet. It is little wonder that my father experienced nightmares as a result of these atrocities. These scenes, as well as the future sensory assaults, made a lasting imprint on him which haunted him his entire life. “He was filled with a fear and panic that defied explanation as struggling up a steel hill deep in thought and sorrow.” Even though his family recognized his pain, there seemed to be little they could help him with. Today, a person would seek counseling or other professional help, but back then all that seemed to be available to him was the attempt at exorcism or witchcraft, and a consult with a local doctor.
Gregory’s arrival in Armavir begins another chapter of his life – his high school years. Initially he is filled with fear and anxiety at the thought of being left there alone when his uncle needs to depart. Although he is initially homesick (and again feels a bit abandoned), he soon learns to enjoy his friends and classes. Armavir is a larger town with brick and stone buildings, and Gregory sees many new things: well-dressed people, his first train, fine stores and churches. I wonder what Gregory felt when he saw his first train spewing forth huge puffs or steam, and when he saw his first motion picture. His feelings at staying in an impressive hotel and eating in the dining room with his uncle. This experience clearly begins to mold him into a scholarly young man, and he experiences a new kind of life for himself. His new life in the city soon “sets its mark upon him, and had given him thoughts beyond the quiet life of his simple village.” His first trip home is, of course, nostalgic. Probably a bit like when our children come home for their first break at college at Thanksgiving. There is always a sense of comfort when one comes home and participates in age old holidays and festivities. Gregory goes back to Armavir with good anticipation for the coming years.
His experience en route back and his encounter with wolves, a blizzard, and losing the way must have been frightening for him, but he had great confidence in his Uncle Basil that all would be all right, and so it was. It was an arduous journey but they eventually reached his school in Armavir where he continued his schooling.
During the summer break, he returns home and works a bit in his grandfather’s store. It is here that he meets a young lady who steals his heart. I thought that his account of his first love with Mohammedan girl was fun to read. He obviously was quite smitten by her. I can picture him being in love and wanting to give up everything to marry her, even against his family’s wishes. That they would disown him if he went ahead with this affair, I am sure, was a very strong threat to him – and of course, I am delighted that he eventually met and married a delightful Swedish lass after he became settled in America.
Once again here, “Fate” seems to enter Gregory’s life, when the old clanging church bells start to ring and war is declared. All thought of love and schooling wane and Gregory returns to Armavir for his last semester and learns the “arts of war.” Apparently, during this time, Gregory’s grades were quite low and he had to cram for his exams for four days and nights. In so doing when they were all finished, he became sick (probably totally exhausted) and he lay alone for four days with a high fever. By some miracle (or the doing of the Parcae) he passes his courses and is taken home. Again, his family seems to be able to afford to get him good care, and he was sent away to a resort and to rest and heal. Imagine his excitement when he returns well, to find a letter waiting for him saying that he has been accepted at the Polytechnic Institute in Petrograd. Although he never showed much emotion I expect he was delighted to have been accepted and to continue his journey as designed.
Gregory is now a young man of 20 years and he returns by train to Petrograd to attend the institute. I expect he had some confidence in himself at this point, but his experience with the “wild life in Petrograd” takes him down a peg. He clearly was set up by “friend” Serge who befriends him and takes him to a brothel-type of place where he is wined and dined, and becomes involved with the “women of the night.” He is fleeced of all his money, drunk, and unaware of where he is, and upon waking up feels “alone, sick, and miserable”. I believe this was a good lesson learned by him as he has to humble himself and call home to tell his family what had happened and to ask for more money. The bright side of the “knot in his loop” is that, by chance, he meets an old high school friend who invites him to stay with him. Gregory’s contemplation of suicide turns in a heartbeat to “life is worth living”.
As most men of this age, Gregory seems anxious for travel and adventure. His meeting with Futuristic Society again changes his life as he becomes enamored with flying. When he meets the office in the Aviation Corps, his enthusiasm overflows as he is encouraged to apply to the Volunteer’s Bureau. After passing his physical, he is ordered to report to the Naval Aviation School at the Polytechnic Institute- this time not to study Mechanical Engineering but to learn to fly! I think Gregory was quite happy at this point in his life.
It is there that the event that overturned the Empire and changed the history of Holy Russia occurred – The Revolution! One can only imagine what it must have been like for Gregory to actually be a witness to this upheaval and to partake in its undertaking. In the second part of his book, Gregory talks about “The Red Years”. He is living with his roommate Paul, and they have had to give up their weapons and are barricaded in their quarters. They have been studying for exams. Paul is tired and wants to sleep, but Gregory is curious to see what is happening and sneaks out to watch all the commotion and gunfire. It is too bad that his book ends here with what he witnessed in Petrograd, for I would have loved to know the specifics of how he left this city and returned briefly to his town and then on to his adventures in the Black Sea followed by his decision to escape to America.
